“Don’t worry mom” the words of every child to a mother left pacing, and watching the clock. When we have children we are never prepared for those hours imagining the earth giving way to swallow your child. I know there are some great books that talk about letting go, releasing the anxiety, trusting your child has the tools to make their way in the world. But the world is SCARY! The books I read don’t quite cusp the subject, at least until Nora Roberts writes one 😉 So just like the time before, I walk the floor. I use logic and sensible ‘inner voice’ communication, telling myself that I have raised them well. I call my mom, describing the situation and defending my anxiety (Because that’s what we do) and she reassured me that everything will be fine, after she reveals her own concerns…Thanks Mom….
I remember being a child, in fact I am still her child, and not having any great fear about doing what I wanted to do…just because. There were certainly moments that made me regret those choices but I made it home no less. So why as a parent do I feel such uncertainty about my children? Was this what I had done to my parents? Undoubtedly it was but I was smarter! Or so it seemed at that age. Which I have no doubt my kids are saying to themselves now as I pace the floor.
You don’t have to have psychic abilities to have the ‘mother’s gut feeling’ but it sure makes for a lot of interesting inner conversations let me tell you. So as I say a little prayer of protection and sit quietly dusting out my thoughts, I’m reminded of my ability to calm my mind. The lessons we have in life are our own and, while we hate to watch those we love going through something difficult, those are their lessons. My lesson is letting them learn and being there, always and forever