It's Personal

Adulting 101

It doesn’t always feel good to be the bigger person. Sometimes you want to be a bitch! Once in a while you just want to lash out, to hurt someone, to not be the victim. So why does it always feel wrong when you do the right thing? What is the right thing? I look to my guides and my angels with questions and wait but they always let me learn the tough lessons on my own. I think deep down they know I can make good choices and I will eventually see the bigger picture. I only wish it didn’t take so long to find that light in the dark… Even today, as part of my routine, I looked to my cards and drawing one card asked my guides to show me my lesson for today. I do this everyday and it provides me with an area of my life that needs work or at least my attention. Today I draw the 2 of Air and I sit pondering a card that is filled with doubts and decisions. It gives me a sense of needing to reflect and take some time to look at my life and the choices I made. There are so many options in life, so many right or wrong ways to say something, to do something and we make these choices so easily one minute and then torture ourselves with them the next.

As a kid, I remember some of the decisions I made such as what kind of sandwich I wanted in my lunch or what movie to rent at the video store on weekends. I recall being asked to make a few decisions as a kid that usually involved cute things like what shoes I wanted or what color to paint my room but nothing I picked was life altering. I never had to make life choices as a 10 year old…Homework now? Or after I ride my horse? Hmm tough one… Here I am as an adult and after 2 failed marriages and having 2 beautiful kids who have grown up and now are making adult choices, I am wondering what I missed or if I made a wrong turn. Looking back at the different events in my life that truly define who I became I feel grateful for the opportunities I had, even the bad ones, to learn and grow and develop the skills I now take for granted. At 10 years old I would never have jotted down Medium as my life career choice. I don’t even remember hearing about such things until I was much older. I know now that if not for the memories I have of things I shouldn’t even have been old enough to recall, I wouldn’t have found this path at all. But they always lingered in the back of my mind as links to a life that was different. I have always wrote stories, poems, letters to the universe. I know my mom saved most of them in a file which makes me smile. I used to call it “the works of the undiagnosed” I never knew where these random thoughts came from or why I was chosen to have them so profoundly. I just wrote…pages and pages of notes and scribbles and then tucked them away.

Now I sit and wonder if all those pieces will ever finally fit together and whether the choices I made were reflections of the thought and patterns of my past. Knowing what I know now I am lead to believe that there were no doubt moments in my life that were not mine to live. A very famous lady once said “When we know better, we do better” mayaand I remember watching Oprah the day she sat on the stage and said those words. I remember thinking it was probably the most amazing way to look at life and it still fascinates me to think of how that one line impacted my world then and now. So when I hear those words and I think back to the choices I made back then I realize they were the right ones at the time. I look at my future and I still wonder what is out there for me but I do know I am right where I’m suppose to be to learn what I need to learn right now. Answering my own question “What is the right thing to do?” There are only right things to do. What you believe today may change tomorrow but right now, in this exact moment, this is your life and the choices we make are our own. So chose what you need to in order to make the next step easier but don’t look back and regret those choices, for they have created you, defined you, and you are magnificent ❤

 

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