I unleashed a tornado this morning. Everyday I ask my guides and angels for some insight into my day, a plan or topic that I should focus and learn from. Today’s message was about the truth. You can see the message here.https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Falwaysalargenowimamedium%2Fphotos%2Fa.134329543778985.1073741829.133933440485262%2F235097220368883%2F%3Ftype%3D3&width=500
My general routine is to deliver my message and then follow-up with a quick journal about what it means to me personally, but today I am finding there is no end to the conversation I am having within my heart. I am a stickler for the truth. I demand it from my family and friends. I have actually removed people from my life for lying to me! This is a deal breaker for me. I have spent my whole life looking for the truth in everything I do, and everyone I spend time with. I believe with absolute certainty that this ideal, this trait in humankind, is a prerequisite to living a good and honest life. Today the truth showed up in front of me, like a car crash! Today I discovered that while I demand so much of other people, I am guilty of lying as much as anyone. Lying to myself.
Who do you think you are?!?!
Do you think it’s true that we create the world we live in by example? If I am continually pushing the truth inside me away, and filling my own head with the lies about myself, how can I expect anyone else to treat me differently? We are the product of our own design so it makes sense that if we are good to ourselves, people will also be good to us. If we are lying to ourselves….you betcha! People will lie to us. It is no different from raising children. Our world, our environment is just like raising a child. We teach by example! We display the type of behavior we want to teach to others so why is it we are so shocked when it backfires. How many of you are reading this now and thinking to yourself “oh dear…maybe she’s right” I have spent a lifetime saying I want honesty above all else and then I quietly close the door and tell myself lie after lie in hopes no one will notice.
There are probably a million areas of my life that this is happening to and I’m sure it is only just beginning to unfold for me but right now…right here….I’m frustrated and hurt that I could have disappointed myself like this. Isn’t it always the one behind the podium, standing tall, teaching and reaching the masses, that eventually shows us the human side. No one is perfect despite their own inner thoughts of perfection but how often have we all been lying to ourselves in spite of the truth.
These thoughts spill from my mind now and each trigger another like a landslide. In my journal I wrote that line “The truth shall set you free” and maybe this is just the beginning of finding out all about myself. Maybe. In a week I celebrate my birthday and just when I thought I had my life all figured out someone pulled the curtains back. Now I find myself doubting everything I ever believed to be true. How can I expect that level of honesty from others when I can’t even be honest with myself. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I’m grown up! Shouldn’t I know that answer by now?? I know what I have told myself, and what I have said to other people, but is it true? I don’t think so… I don’t really know what I want, but I do know I want to find out what I want.
Maybe being honest with myself and admitting I don’t know the answers will be a good start to figuring out what the truth is. Maybe the truth is just waiting there for me to find. I know one thing….I’m done lying to myself.